September 25, 2008
"In a man's middle years there is scarcely a part of the body he would hesitate to turn over to the proper authorities."--E.B. White
In our middle years we realize, often by happenstance, that strange things are occurring in our bodies. Most of us do not like it one bit either.
But as my grandmother used to say, "What's a body to do?"
I say scream and knock one's head against the nearest wall.
Granted that will not solve the problem, but consider our quite justified lamentations about middle age and our changing bodies.
We now have unwanted hair in places we never had it before, and we have no hair or thinning hair in places where it used to be abundant.
We have creaking, painful, stiff knees that not too long ago could run a 5K or could fly up the stairs in a single bound. We were Superman and Superwoman!
Nowhere in our previously nicely-appointed and un-hospital like boudoirs would we find the following: Bengay for painful joints, nose spray for stuffed sinuses, eye drops for dry eyes, tissues, drinking water for cotton mouth during the night, reading glasses, knee bolsters, neck rests, and shoe inserts for plantar fasciitis.
Once one turns 50, trust me, these items begin to appear in one's bedroom.
It is not a pretty sight.
Did I mention vitamins and pills? I didn't think so as I am trying to forget that dreary fact. After arriving at age 50, taking pills for multiple reasons becomes an undeniable part of daily life.
I like poet James Doyle's view of this as he takes a funny poke at pill taking in an online-published poem for seniors titled "Vitamins". Doyle pretends to be hunting for a pill-taking mate in the newspaper personals.
He writes, "If there are others out there who also take 23 pills at a time four times every day, please contact me through the personals. We can help each other force them down..."
He continues, "Time release capsules for dry bones, bleached desert rats gulping down canteen after canteen. What couple could have more in common than a continual dissolving? I am a young 79. Looking for a minimum taker of sixty pills daily. Call me if you want to twist some tops off. Lets rattle the bottles til they're gone. Smokers okay."
I think it is time for my nap.
